something round and brown inside

so i'm going to try to recreate the extra good post that i started the other night...

i'm back! and no, i didn't die. some of you may know, but some crappy things have been going down over the last 3 months, and i haven't felt like writing. well, i actually have been writing in my top secret blog, but you aren't allowed to read it.

things aren't better yet, but i'm back anyway, due to popular demand. i know you can't live without my inspiring words, so i'm doing this for you, dear reader(s).

this weekend was the Women's Leadership Conference at Auburn, and I was nominated as one of a few girls from the College of Architecture, Design and Construction to attend. At first I was a little annoyed because the conference was friday night and all day saturday, and there's got to be better things i could be doing with my time. but then i realized there wasn't anything better that i could be doing with my time...i was also a little flattered that the dean's office thought of me, so i wanted to represent the CADC well.

friday night was a dinner and a speaker, Alexis Jones, a Survivor finalist. I was at a table with the other CADC girls: two industrial design girls (Amanda and Olivia) and one architecture girl. Alexis was a surprisingly entertaining speaker, and we were all laughing at her stories about how she got on the show, why she went on the show, and the things that happened to her while on the show. There was a story about a rat getting stuck in Alexis' hair, and Amanda was crying because she was laughing so hard. In general, the whole room was giggling, but our table was probably a little disruptive with the laughter...I made every effort to try to maintain some decorum, but by the end of the night, I gave it up. I may or may not have slouched at the dinner table with my food baby bulging, and I may or may not have burped at the table.

The next morning, we had to be there at 8 for breakfast. The architecture girl didnt come, so it was just Amanda, Olivia and me there to represent the CADC. Bad idea...We had all given up on dressing professionally. Most women were in dresses or pants suits. The three of us were in jeans. We kept it real.

we were the first to attack the breakfast buffet. There were packaged things from waffle house, and i opened one to see what was inside. I announced that it was a biscuit "with something round and brown inside." then i rewrapped it and put it back, asserting that i don't like sausage. then i decided that i'd get one anyway, "just to get my money's worth." and no, i didn't pay for this conference. olivia and amanda got one of each pastry to share, and amanda grabbed a bag of donut holes "for later." we got our coffees and ojs and claimed a table. my coffee cup was faulty and was slowly dribbling coffee on the white tablecloth, but i didn't care enough to get another cup. it was making an unsightly stain, but i made a great effort to place the cup on top of the stain to hide it. Amanda went back for seconds on the fruit tray, and returned disappointed because there was a big, decorative chunk of kiwi that she really wanted, but couldn't dislodge from the tray.

after breakfast we had "breakout sessions" where there were 4 different workshops going on at once, and you got to choose which you wanted to attend. It was unanimous - the three of us wanted to attend the self defense class. and it was the best one, in my opinion. we learned a few key moves and where the sensitive places are. Groin, top of feet, eyes, nose. We learned the specific motion and amount of pressure to apply to gouge out your foe's eyes. 1.5 lbs. The teacher let us know that there were "no limits" to what we should do to an attacker. "No Limits" was the theme of the conference, but i'm pretty sure the organizers weren't thinking about eye gouging and groin kicking when they were planning the conference.

After the self defense class, there was a forever-long coffee break. We were told that we should take that time to talk to other women and share our dreams. The three of us mocked that, of course, and we ended up making fun of sorority girls and highlights (no offense if you are afilliated with either). I managed to eek out at least 3 rape jokes, which I obviously don't find amusing. But the set-ups were so good that I couldn't keep myself from saying them. I was ashamed of myself every time. Rape jokes at a women's leadership and empowerment conference? Completely inappropriate...

For the second breakout session, we chose to learn about relationships. That one was fairly uneventful except for the fact that Amanda's stomach was growling so loud that it was distracting me. I was sure that everyone in the room was appalled, but I learned later that I was the only one who heard it.

after relationships, it was lunchtime, and we reclaimed our old table. the one with the coffee stain on it. ick. they scoffed at me for making a mess, so we rotated the tablecloth to move the stain to the other side. they told us to go ahead and get lunch from the buffet, and the three of us made a mad dash for the food. We all broke out our new eye gouging skills and practically knocked ladies down to get to the food. I suddenly realized that we were being unclassy, and i stopped to let a woman go in front of us. Olivia almost crashed into me because she had her eyes on the food instead of paying attention to the people around her. Because I tried to act like a lady, we ended up midway down the line. We had to wait. So we examined the food from afar and whined about waiting. We entertained the bright idea of starting a new line at the other end of the table, where the dessert was. But it would get awkward when we caught up with the people going in the right direction...So we waited, like the classy ladies we were. Olivia spotted a monstrous bowl of feta cheese and remarked that she'd like to rub it on her skin to moisturize. I looked at her for a second, politely laughed, and then said, "wait, that's kind of weird. And gross." Amanda said, "I don't even know what that means." And Olivia realized exactly what she had said and demurely retracted her statement.

We made it through the line, got a little bit of everything, went to the dessert table and ravaged it. Amanda's and my dessert plates were piled as high as our food plates. While we were eating, I commented that I needed some butter for my roll. Olivia went and asked a worker for some butter. A few minutes later we had some packets of really cold butter. Too cold to spread. So we sat on them to warm them up. That's logical, right? I mean, what would you do? We continued to eat, and a few minutes later, Olivia proudly placed her butter on the table and exclaimed, "It's soft!" Mine was still frozen, so Olivia offered to incubate my butter for me. I went to get a drink refill, and as soon as I returned, she offered me a soft butter packet. She works fast, people. We continued with our classy banter as I noticed that Amanda was eating her beef with her hand. As she talked, she'd gesture with the meat. We were proudly representing the CADC.

After lunch, Olivia had to leave, and Amanda and I went to the last breakout session. We chose the one called "Strut Your Stuff: Live, Laugh, Love Your Body." When it was over, we had to fill out a survey and we received a goodie bag with such novelties as a purple pen, a pin, a cup, and a coupon for ice cream. We also received a fingernail file, to which I replied, "I don't file my nails. It gives me the chills." To which Amanda replied, "I just bite mine." Classy ladies for sure.

All said, it was a good conference, but mostly because of Amanda and Olivia.